A Grandmother's Role

Posted by Terry McNichols

Piggybacking on Leona's Mother's Day post, I too reflect on the added layer of joy that our five grandchildren bring to our lives.  Here are a couple of grandparent stories I'd like to share:

Heard in the aisle of Fred Meyer, 2 children discussing the fact that a grandmother who had been visiting had just left.  1 child telling another:  "Well, you can't have that because you don't have a grandmother to buy it for you!"  

Zella, our oldest grandchild (age 5, almost 6) called us on the phone the other day.  "Ahma, ask me what I'm going to do today."  Okay, I agreed, "What are you going to do today?"  Zella:  "I don't know.  I'm ambivalous!"  Hope she had a fun "ambivalous" day!

Gavin, also age 5+ spends most Friday mornings with me.  He runs in the door and says "UNO!!!!"  I agree to a "few games" and we spend the next 2-1/2 hours straight playing Uno, with just a few minutes off to play a round of Phase 10 for kids or WigOut.  But Uno is always the game of choice at this stage.  I think our record is 27 games non-stop. Then I prepare him a lunch of "dinosaur-shaped pbj sandwiches" and this time I cut an apple with my new fancy cutting tool.  It looked like a pair of eyes, so we topped the apple pieces with strawberries for eyeballs, a blackberry nose and sliced strawberry mouth.  "Ahma," says Gavin, "You're SO MUCH NICER than my mom and dad!" 

Now, in reality, I'd love to have just let that comment stand on its own, but I took the opportunity to teach Gavin something and explained to him that actually, that's what grandparents are for!  I told him that I was once a parent, just like his mom and dad, and I wasn't nearly as nice as I am now.  I explained that his parents have to go to work and earn money to take care of him and his baby sister and they have lots and lots of responsibilities that I no longer have.  I told him I don't have to make sure that he does his chores or goes to bed on time.  I get to do only the fun parts.  I did a great sales pitch, all the while happy that he saw me in such a light.  I opted not to pass that comment on to his parents, but alas, they might just read it here. 

But it did, however, remind me once again of just what a great job description most of us grandparents have.

One day Gavin looked at me long and hard and said, "Ahma, are you OLD?"  Well, that's the downside unfortunately....

Grandparents as "relief pitchers...."

Posted by Terry McNichols

Once again, I would like to point you to an article on Grandparents.com. This article by Barbara Graham on the 7 Laws of Grandparenting is excellent and so very true to my own experiences! Check it out. Here's an example of one of the 7 rules:

Accept your role. If you’re the mother of the new father, you may not have the same access to your grandchild as the maternal grandmother, at least in the beginning. In most families, new mothers are the primary caretakers of babies and they tend to lean on their mothers for support. This is not a problem — unless you think it is. Your grandchild will love you too. Anyhow, all grandparents — whether on the maternal or paternal side — are at risk of being shut out if they fail to observe any of these commandments. Try to think of yourself as a relief pitcher in a baseball game: You're on the bench until your adult children call you up — and then you must do as they say if you want to stay in the game. (We've already covered this, but I think it's key.)

I love the idea of being the "relief pitcher in a baseball game!" I have chosen not to do too much regularly-scheduled "day care" for just this reason. I don't want to be the starting pitcher -- I've already put in my time in that regard. But I love being the back up, getting to spend fun times with my individual grandkids and being looked on as a "treat." Do read the rules and let us know if you agree or disagree.

A book you'll savor - Terry

As long as we’re talking about products, I’d like to put in a plug for a book by my friend and fellow grandmother, Donna VanderGriend. Her book, Out of the Mouths of Grandbabes is described as "bedtime stories for grandparents," but the stories and applications will be cherished by parents and children as well. Her book was reviewed by none other than Eugene and Jan Peterson, who had this to say about the book:

"Donna Vander Griend expertly discerns the scriptural allusions, the artless gospel-echoing remarks in the talk of her nine grandchildren, and then passes them on to us in brief parable-stories. As we read her stories and listen through her attentive grandparent ears, we acquire a mind-set that hears–really hears–the innocence and purity of revealed gospel truth that comes out of the mouths of babies and grand babies. Through the unstudied, spontaneous language of our grandchildren, we can eavesdrop on the whispers of the Holy Spirit in our everyday lives. . . We treasure these stories."

-Eugene & Jan Peterson

I certainly can't top that description. And yes, we will be talking often about grandparenting as this is a topic near and dear to both of our hearts!